wtf?

Cancel That.

2006-04-25T14:42:00.000-05:00

It's back down to a high of 48 today. On my way downtown this morning at 9 a.m., it was hailing/sleeting/snowing. Some kind of frozen precipitation.

Bummer.

Weather and Meme

2006-04-10T23:50:00.000-05:00

Folks, it looks like spring has finally sprung in Chicago. AT LAST! It was over 70 degrees today, and it's been sunny for many days in a row, and it is AMAZING what sunlight at 7 p.m. will do for a girl's mood. I feel great, even though this week is going to be nuts. Only 4 weeks until the end of the semester, and I'm excited to be done and have a relaxing, creative summer.

In celebration, a meme:

four movies i could watch more than once:
Legally Blonde
Steel Magnolias
X-Men movies
Pirates of the Caribbean

four places i have lived:
Edwards Air Force Base, California
Los Alamos, New Mexico
Maryland (Frederick and St. Mary's City)
Chicago, IL

four favorite current tv shows:
What Not to Wear
Gilmore Girls
Good Eats
(anything Food Network, really)

four places i have been on vacation:
Oklahoma (Waukomis, Edmond)
St. Louis, MO (separate from roadtrip below)
Denver, CO
roadtrip: SC, Atlanta, New Orleans, St. Louis, Chicago, Cleveland, back home

four websites i visit daily:
washingtonpost.com
gmail
myspace
chicagoimprov.org

four of my favorite foods (at home or away):
pasta of any kind
peanut butter
pad thai
cheese

four places i would like to be right now, if not at home:
Cancun
Oklahoma
Maryland
Southern California
(Fortunately I'll go all of these places before the end of the year! Hooray.)

four pets i have had in my life:
Janet Jackson - gerbil, died of starvation (so bad, I know)
Mopsy - lhasa apso, had in Los Alamos
Lassie - sheltie, also in Los Alamos
Gabby - current kitty-friend

The Missing Piece?

2006-03-07T18:19:00.000-06:00

I spend so much of my time thinking scientifically. My brain is filled with statistics and research ideas and methodology...which is great. It is what my brain needs to be filled with in order to succeed in graduate school and my eventual career. I need to think like a psychologist and a scientist, even if I want to someday be a consultant.

Furthermore, I LIKE thinking that way. It feels so productive and right. I am a problem solver, I like to figure things out. I love psychology. This is the right path for me.

But lately, I know something is missing. I know I need to be more creative in my everyday life, whether that means managing my time better to include sewing, knitting, writing, playwriting...I don't know. It seems to me like the creative process takes such a long time, and like I need to gear up for it.

What I really need to do is jump in. This summer will be amazing, I know it. I want us to write down everything we think might be good, without discussing the hell out of it first. I want to dive in and be unafraid of the product being bad. I want to get the creative juices flowing and feel whole again.

It's only a couple of months off. I feel it.

I Can't Wait

2006-02-07T22:27:00.000-06:00

People, I am possibly setting myself up for disaster. Please note that it is February 7, which is a full six weeks away from the official start of spring, and over FOUR MONTHS away from the official start of summer. And if you are remotely familiar with Chicago and its weather, you know that warm weather is at least three months off, probably more. UGH.

The disaster part is that I am ready for Summer already. We had some unseasonably warm days in January, which just whetted my appetite for more! This is very bad.

I am hoping, however, that time will FLY. Maybe a listy format will help me feel better about how close summer really is? Let's see what's coming soon that will break up the time.

We are already in the 4th week of the semester, which means I'm 25% done!
There are only 3 more weeks of February.
In March the restaurant will get busy again.
Spring Break.
St. Patrick's Day.
High School Friend Jenn comes to visit.
March 21 is the Vagina Monologues (ticket information coming soon).
March 27 is my baby brother's 16th birthday (and I am now officially OLD).
April 30 is my dad's birthday.
First two weeks in May: end of the semester/possible trip to SIOP in Dallas.
May 27-June 3: MEXICO, with Mom and Ken and HS Jenn.
June 15-ish: Lindsay is out of school.

THEN, this happens.

One more summer "off" (from an office job, at least) is just the ticket, I think. It seems completely right to me. Folks, I am excited. I am really stoked to go and be creative and make something that people will see and (hopefully) like. And Lindsay loves the idea. We will write at the beach, at the park, at the coffee shop, at the ice cream shop, in my apartment blessed with central air...hell, maybe we will get serious about yoga, too!

Summer can't get here soon enough.

Letters 2.

2006-01-24T18:25:00.000-06:00

It is time, once again, for some letters.

Dear S,

You know I love nothing more in the universe than winning or being right, right? However, you also know that if I am wrong, I'll admit it.

Well, I was wrong.

I should have listened to you in the first place when you told me to leave you alone, but of course I thought I could fix anything with sheer willfulness. But you were right; time away seems like it has done you good, and it has definitely helped me.

So. I still read your blog (stalker!), and still hope that we can be friends. Or friend-ly. Or at least not openly hostile. But I won't push it. After all, good things come to those who wait, right?

Be good,
Becca

****

Dear Body,

I didn't lose those 10 pounds on purpose, but man. Are you happy they're gone? I am trying to be good to you, what with the exercising and trying not to eat as much crap. Also, was the laziness over break recuperative? I know the brain enjoyed it, and I hope you did too.

Confidential to Shoulder: I will get you looked at as soon as I can afford it, I promise.

Thanks for being hot,
Becca

****

Dear Beach Club,

You are the greatest invention of Jimmy John's Sandwiches, but shhh! Don't tell the other sammiches or they might get jealous. Your delicious combination of turkey, provolone, avocado, cucumber, tomato, and sprouts, combined with the whole-grain bread? YUM. It really hit the spot this afternoon, and I think you qualify as healthy!

Keep up the good work,
Becca A.

****

Dear BABE the Beemer [ed note: she came with that name because the letters BABE are in the VIN.]

WHY DO YOU APPARENTLY HATE ME?!

OK, so the upholstery on your interior door panels is falling off. But I am brainstorming ways to fix it! And I know your bumper got scratched in the Spinning on Lakeshore Drive Incident of '05, but I just can't afford to get it touched up right now. I do the best I can, washing and waxing as seasonally appropriate, though, right? And didn't I get that Diet Coke Incident of '05 cleaned up right away? Yes, yes I did.

So WHY would you choose 2:30 on a Tuesday afternoon, right before I needed to be at a doctor's appointment, to BREAK DOWN in the MIDDLE OF THE STREET?! Honestly. If your alternator wasn't in good shape, couldn't you have just...not started? When I was still at my house? Or hell, last NIGHT when I was already AT the auto shop getting gas? So I wouldn't have to hang out with you for an HOUR AND A HALF with NO HEAT while waiting for the tow truck? I couldn't just LEAVE you there, you know! You might've gotten towed to the city pound with the other ne'er do wells, and you are better than that, BABE. (Additionally I think we already learned our lesson about playing Chicken with the City of Chicago, didn't we?)

At any rate, I'm sorry you're not feeling well, but that was spectacularly poor timing. Please make a note and try to improve the next time you feel a breakdown coming on.

I still love you to bits,
Becca the Driver

****

Dear Eric the Mechanic,

I am sad/happy that you know my name without a reminder of the car I drive or the fact that I have red hair. I am glad we have a good working relationship, but am sad that we even have to have a relationship in the first place. However, you do great work and are always very tolerant of my dramatic and often last-minute auto needs. I also like the shirt-and-tie thing you and your associates had going today; very snappy.

I'll talk to you soon. Please don't bleed my wallet dry.

-Rebecca A.

****

Gabbers,

You are so cute, as always. Look at you, napping with your chin on my arm! I don't know how that doesn't bother you when I type, but hey, whatever works.

I am baffled, however, with your obsession with trying to knock over any and all bedside lamps! Why do you have it in for them? I think you know that I love you more than them. Also, could you please shed some light on why you keep staring at the ductwork in the dining room? Are there MICE in there? If so, and if you ever catch a mouse in this house, you had better not deposit it on my bed.

Thanks for being cute and furry.
Love, the cat mom

Guess What I Did?

2005-12-15T19:23:00.000-06:00

Today I finished my first semester of grad school! Hooray.

Three Weeks.

2005-12-11T22:13:00.000-06:00

In three weeks it will be 2006. This is completely wrong and insane in my eyes. Where did 2005 go?

The holidays are always a nostalgic time for me, filled with love and laughter and good friends and food and memories of holidays past. Since I moved away, it is one of the few times that I see my family, and it is such a comfort to be in my mom's house, or in my dad's house, or driving down the red dirt roads of the Oklahoma countryside. Home.

Most comforting is church on Christmas Eve. When I'm at my dad's house, I drive alone to St. Mary's Episcopal church, listening to Christmas music as I zip through the black, cold night. In church, I sit alone, a stranger among the families. But in some ways that is okay. When I'm at my mom's, she and Ken and I ride together to a church I don't know, to fellowship with strangers. Either way, though, I listen to the same story of Christmas, and I sing carols in the candlelit sanctuary, singing out bright and clear even though I probably should spare the other parishoners that particular punishment.

Along with the comfort, though, is always a little year-end reflection. As 2005 comes to a close, it is only natural for me to think of where I have been this year, and where I am going, and to wonder: will I ever get there?

This year I did these things: dated someone great, went to NYC for the first time, quit my job, started graduate school, sadly broke up with someone great, started waitressing again, was v. poor, moved, started saving money, got my car booted, got very stressed out re: money and school, decided not to get another cat just yet, and (almost) finished my first semester of graduate school. I learned a lot about myself and my limits and I really learned about being alone and the goods and bads that go along with.

If I look at it objectively, I can be proud of myself. I have a few regrets, sure, but mostly the bad stuff was out of my control.

In 2006, I will do some things. Usually I set "beginning of school year" resolutions, but this year I will do some new year's resolutions. I have a friend who does hers quarterly, because that is more manageable. Maybe I will try that.

Stay tuned. Only three weeks to go.

Listy!

2005-12-07T22:33:00.000-06:00

Hello, hello!

Re: my last entry, please note that I am now Famous! I was the first person to buy the DMs first CD, and they put me on their website! That pic is from Halloween at Amber's Mike's house. Wholly appropriate, though, as a lot of their songs have a country-ish sound. Still haven't received the CD, but it should arrive tomorrow.

Now I would like to move on to the part of the entry where I tell you about how I am CRAZY:

I had forgotten about how when you're in school? It is all fun and games until the last two weeks of the semester. That is when everything is due all at once and you don't sleep and only eat sporadically and your house is a mess and you may or may not wear the same sweatshirt for three days in a row even though you did shower and your cat is neglected because all you ever do is read papers and typetypetype and read some more and talk to yourself and subsist largely on Diet Coke and mini-Snickers bars.

Poor Gabby. In the beginning of the week, she still hung out on the desk, basking in the light from the lamp (weirdo cat), but now she has abandoned me completely, opting instead for napping on the couch. I cannot say I blame her. I would also rather be napping on the couch.

Anyway, so I am a CRAZY person. Between this week and next, I had/have due: 6 big papers (including 2 take-home finals), an assorted pile of statistics homework re-dos, and 2 big fat exams. One is for Organizational Psych, and is all essay/short answer, and one is for stats, which is cumulative in the sense that everything in the class builds on what came before it, but not in the sense that we're being tested on beginning of semester stuff like descriptive statistics.

Here are things I have done so far:

Social psych research proposal
Organizational psych case study
Gotten overly-woolly eyebrows waxed
Gotten thoroughly split-ended hair cut, and complimented on eyebrows by Gil the Hair Genius
Stats homework due today

Things I still have to do:

Put up tree
Make 1,000,000 Christmas presents (rant for another entry)
Social psych final
Organizational psych research proposal (though on same topic as social proposal, must be a different research idea)
Individual Differences interview and final paper
Individual Differences final exam
Organizational psych final
Stats final
Get very drunk immediately following stats final (approximately noon)

So, you see, I am crazy. I have managed to work a little housekeeping in here and there as well, as my overflowing bathroom trash can was threatening to join forces with the dishes in the sink to take over the house. But for the most part, I am barely holding it together, sleeping erratically, and might be getting sick.

But hey! T-minus eight days until I am off for a month! I will read a lot, learn to crochet, and be a vegetable. Maybe this grad school stuff isn't so bad after all...

Do This Now

2005-11-29T01:04:00.000-06:00

1. Go here: www.damnmillionaires.com.
2. Buy their new CD.
3. There is a link up there somewhere to listen to clips of the songs, if you need more convincing.
4. Thank you.
5. No, I don't actually know these people. Oh, the magic of blogs.

Let It Snow...?

2005-11-15T22:33:00.000-06:00

Here I am, on the eve of the first snow of this winter, and...meh. I don't care. I won't have to leave my house until late morning/early afternoon tomorrow, and the snow will probably be melted by then. If it amounts to anything at all, which seems unlikely.

Man, remember being a kid, and actually getting excited about snow? I grew up in Los Alamos, New Mexico, in the mountains, and we got some serious snow. I remember one year, I must have been 5 or 6, and it snowed something like 5 feet in one storm.

[Note: for years I have been telling this story with "5 feet of snow," but it occurs to me that as I was a tiny child prone to exaggeration, I may have made that figure up. Let's go with it.]

So it snowed 5 feet in one storm. After it stopped, my brother and I were out in the backyard playing Smurfs (how...?) while my mom shoveled the snow off the roof of our aluminum porch awning so it wouldn't collapse. Man, good times.

There were also some great sledding hills. Pretty much any hill would have enough snow on it to sled, which is awesome. At this one park, that starts with a B (Bennett? Baker? No, Baker is in Frederick, MD. I don't know), there was a pretty big hill that went down, then evened out, and then went down some more, and it was ok. Very family-friendly and crowded. But right down the street at Mountain Elementary School, there was the granddaddy of all sledding hills.

In non-snow months, the hill behind Mountain was steep and rocky and really freaking dangerous. But drop a couple of feet of snow on that baby and it was a steep sledding dream. Less crowded, too, probably because it was more dangerous. Of course we went there with my mom and her boyfriend Jim and some family friends and a big pile of kids, inntertubes, toboggans, sleds, trays...

The hike to the top of the hill took for-EVER, and was accompanied by much whining, of course. Once at the top of the hill, Mom got the big black innertube situated, and sat down with me and my friend Lori Stein in front of her, and we all held on tight...WHOOSH!

A little push from someone nearby sent us FLYING down the hill, until someone fell off or we got to the bottom -- whichever got us off course first. It was like a rollercoaster, y'all. When the terror subsided and the wayward boots and mittens were gathered and put back on, we caught our breath and trudged back up to do it again.

Sledding, snow angels, the ever-present quest to build an igloo (the warm-weather counterpart quest was, of course, digging a hole to China), snowball fights, and the requisite post-play hot chocolate were the most exciting parts of the year. Oh, and snow days! We always learned about our school closings via radio...did they have them on TV in the 80s?

Now I would just as soon skip straight to the hot chocolate portion of the festivities. Ooh, or the beer. There's nothing better during a snowstorm than a bar with a fireplace, some friends, and some cheap beer. Cozy in a whole different way than the couch, TV, and hot chocolate, which also has its merits.

Snow is just less fun as a grownup. There are no snow days. We either have to walk and take the el, or drive around in the muck. We have to shovel the walk (or the porch awning -- thanks, Mom!). It's cold and damp and windy and gross. There are no moon boots, or any boots that are both cute and very warm. There are no snowsuits. It is more difficult to get baggies on your feet for additional protection from the wet. Hard times. And now I'm grouchy about what a grouch I've become.

Maybe making a snow angel would help me feel better.

Nature!

2005-11-10T00:49:00.000-06:00

As you all know, I have a cat. An obnoxious one. Who really, really likes to be awake and noisy when I am trying to sleep. Last night, for example:

1:45. Go to bed. Gabby had been napping, but gamely gets into bed with me.
1:55. Gabby is tired of lying down. Gets up and hops off the bed.
1:57. Gabby is back. Wandering around on the bed.
2:30. Gabby knocks alarm clock on floor. I turn on the light, rescue the alarm clock, and put it next to me in the bed.
3:30. I have a dream that Gabby knocked the alarm clock on the floor AGAIN. I get up, turn on the light, and spend three minutes looking for the clock.
3:33. I remember that I rescued the clock and put it in bed with me. Back in bed.
4:30. Got up to pee. I've had to pee in the middle of the night a lot lately.
5:00. CRASH! Gabby knocks over the bedside table. It's from IKEA, not very sturdy. Obviously. I right the table and go back to bed.
5:15. Gabby is playing with something that was previously on the table, is now on the floor. I spray her with the spray bottle (which I had to get out of storage! She's been very bad lately.) and go back to bed.
5:30. Miscellaneous noise from Miss Gabs. More yelling/squirting.
7:00. Wake up because my head is on the mattress, as the Gabster has commandeered the pillow right out from under me. Because, of course, the other pillow, less than a foot away, isn't good enough for her nap.
9:20. Alarm goes off. Snooze.
9:28. Alarm goes off. Snooze.
. . . .
10:50. Alarm goes off. Get out of bed.

The hour and a half snoozing was punctuated with cat-nose-on-face, cat-tongue-on-face, cat-staring-intently-at-face, cat-feet-on-entire-body, cat-biting-arm, cat-racing-around-house, cat-pouncing-on-invisible-things, cat-pouncing-on-feet, and valiant-but-ultimately-unsuccessful-efforts-to-get-cat-to-lie-down-and-let-mommy-sleep.

I have a headache.

Additionally! She has been scratching the hell out of my curtains. The "no scratch" spray I bought appears to be helping. The good news (for her) is that she is also adorable, so I think I'll keep her.

****
My other Battle With Nature is with...FRUIT FLIES. I have an infestation.

Here is a dirty little secret: since I started living alone, I have periods of what I like to call "Living Gross." The dishes pile up, the trash doesn't get taken out, the fridge is full of gross leftovers, etc. Oh, and I also have not put away my clothes since I moved. Which was over a month ago. They are all over my bedroom floor.

There. I said it. Don't judge. And! I don't live dirty all the time, so you can still come visit! I promise.

Anyway, so I developed a fruit fly infestation. I found a recipe online for homemade fruit fly traps, using cider vinegar, water, and a couple of drops of soap to eliminate surface tension. The idea is that the flies are attracted to the water, land on it trying to have a snack, and because of the soap in the water eliminating surface tension, drown.

Well. I didn't have cider vinegar, so I used regular. This has worked in the past, so no problem. But I have 2 areas of infestation, the kitchen and the pantry, and a small satellite colony in the bathroom. So I needed more traps, and I was out of vinegar. So I used beer and water and soap, with only limited success.

This morning, I realized that the situation was completely out of hand. So tonight on my way home, I stopped by the Jewel to get dish soap, Hershey's syrup (not for traps), vinegar, and some real live fruit fly traps. I've seen them online, so I know they exist. But Jewel doesn't have them. Drat.

When I got home, I ate dinner and relaxed for a bit, and then it was time to attack. I started by washing out the bowls for the traps. I think some previous vinegar-beer-water-whatever was still on the rim of the bowls, so flies were just hanging out around the edges. Then I measured vinegar and water and dropped in the soap, and set out the traps.

Then! I washed all the dishes, cleaned out the fridge, and cleaned the kitchen. Took out the trash, the whole nine. And lit an Apple Cinnamon candle I picked up at the Jewel, because the smell of the cider vinegar + assorted mold from refrig = ick. I also washed out the trash can and lid in the bathtub with Comet.

So. Grossness is cleaned up, fruit flies are still out of control. Hopefully the new traps will catch those buggers so I can go back to pretending like I am not completely disgusting.

Careful, That's Hot.

2005-11-08T00:25:00.000-06:00

Oh, working. How I love/hate it. The restaurant was s-l-o-w tonight, but it was nice because we had very few people on the floor and I still made $80. Hooray.

One of my tables ordered our herb grilled chicken breast, and some chicken fajitas. When I saw the herb chicken in the window, I said, "fire chicken fajitas, please!" like I'm supposed to.

So the chef fired the fajitas (which means getting the peppers and onions and chicken into the hot pan. They do it last, right before the food goes out so the fajitas sizzle appropriately on the way to the table.).

Anyway, so the chef fired the fajitas and put them in the window.

I reached up and grabbed the wooden tray that the hot iron pan sits on, to slide it toward me and put it on the fajita plate with the rest of the fajita stuff (sour cream and lettuce and pico de gallo and such).

And felt a searing pain in my hand.

"Oh, shit," I gasped, and started running toward the kitchen for water. Because, you see, I had actually grabbed the edge of the burning hot cast iron fajita pan.

OW.

The chef stopped me and told me to go the other way, where he had burn spray. I stood in the kitchen and he sprayed my middle and ring fingers on my left hand, both of which already had blisters welling up.

OW.

I bravely went back out to the kitchen and took the food to my table. As I was checking on my other tables, my fingers were throbbing, and every time I opened my mouth I thought I would either cry or barf.

I went to show Charles and Murf (his last name is Murphy and he goes by Murf. Murph? I don't know. It's starting to look really weird.), the other two servers who were on, and started to cry for reals. Charles dragged me back to the first aid kit and forced me to put band-aids on. I still whined for the rest of the night. Because it HURT! And I am a wuss.

I am now sitting at home with Neosporin+ Pain on my blistered fingers, and am feeling better.

But when your server says "don't touch that pan, it's hot," don't test her. She probably knows from experience.

Autumn in the City

2005-11-02T22:16:00.000-06:00

Oh, man. I have really got to start using my time more wisely, y'all. I slept until 11 today, and then dicked around, and THEN started to do my stats homework. It involved doing THREE ANOVAs (Analyses of Variance) by hand, which...there's no call for that. No one does them by hand, because they are sooooo labor-intensive. Ugh. So anyway, I started the homework, realized it was going to take one million years, got dressed, went to school, and skipped stats...to finish the homework. D'oh.

Anyway, must...use...time...more...wisely.

------

It was a lovely afternoon. Between stats lab and Org Psych, I bought some junk food, and then walked very slowly, just enjoying the ever-so-slight bite in the air, and the lovely fall colors in the setting sun.

My first winter in Chicago, I was depressed. One night in February of 2003, I was standing on the el platform, and I sighed and looked up at the dark sky. I realized then that there were no stars visible, because of the light pollution in the city, the the probably overcast weather. I hadn't seen stars in close to six months, the last time being when I went home to Maryland earlier in the fall. I am not a "nature person," per se, but I was bummed that I lived in the city and there was no nature and everything was concrete and metal and ugly. That was when I started to think about moving back to Maryland.

Now, though, I realize that there is plenty of nature in the city, especially when I supplement city-nature with the nature I soak up when I go to Oklahoma or Maryland. You just have to know where to look. The trees on my street filter the autumn sunlight just so, making me feel like I'm in AnySuburb, USA. As I speed down Lake Shore Drive, Lake Michigan stretches out to the east, as far as my eye can see. Diversey Harbor, then Lincoln Park, then Grant Park are just on the west side of the highway. At school, there are big grassy lawns dotted with trees whose leaves are just now changing color. Anywhere in the city, there are squirrels and sun and wind and rain and snow.

That February was a rough time for me, and quite possibly the darkest time in my life. I felt like I was utterly alone, and that my blessings were few and unimportant and far away. I clung tightly to anything and anyone who might make me feel better, who might deliver me from misery.

But look at my life now. I know lots of people, and am glad to call most of them my friends. I have learned to let go of the dead weight; friendships have a lifespan. I don't need to surround myself with everyone, just everyone who is good to me. I have learned to love being by myself, not requiring constant stimulation from others. I have a job that is physically taxing, but doesn't continue to drain me after I leave. I am fortunate enough to further my education in a field that is truly fascinating to me, and will be lucrative to boot. I learn new things about my capabilities and creativity every single day. My cat is entertaining. I have a home. My family is healthy and mostly happy. I love and am loved. I am happy and so very blessed.

Like nature in the city, the blessings are there; I just needed to know where to look.

Difficile.

2005-11-01T00:04:00.000-06:00

Tonight I went to Old Navy with Chrissy, and bought a pair of size 6 jeans (I took a friend's advice and bought one pair of new pants, as my other pants don't fit), a couple of sweaters, and some built-in bra camisoles. Ooh, and I bought a fleece. And then we went to the pet store. Because my effing cat effing destroyed my curtains! So I needed some "quit scratching that, you jerk" spray, and then there were some cute pet dishes on sale. So I bought them, and now I can reclaim my cereal bowls.

After I dropped Chrissy off, I drove around forEVER looking for a parking spot. I finally decided to double park for a second, run in and get my Adderall prescription, and go get it filled. But the pharmacy closed 3 minutes before I got there! CURSES.

In a moment of...I don't know what...as I was driving around looking for parking AGAIN, I called Scott. You may recall that he said a few weeks ago that we shouldn't talk for now, and I have respected that, much to my own surprise.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I miss him. On Friday night, when Jonathan told me I COULDN'T COME IN his party because I wasn't be-gowned, I wanted to call Scott and rant. When I was shopping on oldnavy.com and saw a t-shirt woth "NATURE" emblazoned across the front, I thought about how, if we were still dating, or were friends, I would buy it. I think a lot about what went wrong, and whether there was anything I could have done differently. Could I have just not dated him in the first place? Broken up for good in June? Kept dating in hopes of a change?

When the time came to make the decision, his words from July echoed in my ears: "I've done this before [taken back a girl who cheated] and it just gets sadder and sadder, and worse and worse." I didn't want that. I couldn't fix what was wrong. I need to be alone, to focus on myself. There's no "fixing" that -- it'll just take time.

So we talked. I didn't expect him to answer, and I was going to decide whether to leave a message when the time came. But lo and behold, he did answer. The conversation was stilted, and then ok, and then awkward, and then ok, and then awkward, and then very sad. I cried some.

He commented in his blog that this boy-girl stuff is hard. I have always been on board with that sentiment, that is for sure. But I didn't know that a breakup that I initiated, that was my idea, would be so hard, too. I like to think of the world in terms of things I can handle, and things I know how to do, and the fact is...I just don't know how to do this.

I know how to have a guy not want me. I know how to be sad and angry, and how to rail against how very unfair it is that I am unwanted. I know how to deal with not liking a boy right off the bat. I know how to steer the conversation around any possible crushes, and how to pretend the awkwardness isn't there until it just passes.

I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to tell someone wonderful that it's not right. I don't know how to help him understand and make this better. I know how to care for someone, and I know how to talk until I'm blue in the face, and I know what it is to be in his position, and I know how to be selfish and alone. What I didn't know was that all of these things together are a complex and upsetting combination, difficult to navigate.

Growing up is...not as much fun as I thought it would be.

Close Call.

2005-10-24T12:24:00.000-05:00

This morning, I got out of bed with plenty of time to shower, make myself look semi-presentable, and get out the door to make it to class on time. PLENTY of time. Traffic is really shitty on Monday mornings, so I gave myself 45 minutes to make the usually-20 minute drive to IIT. Within a minute of getting into my car, I heard the traffic reporter say, "Lake Shore Drive is an hour from Hollywood to Monroe." To non-Chicagoans: that trip should take 20-25 minutes with zero traffic. Tops.

Ugh.

So I turned around and decided to try to take surface streets. I ended up zig-zagging around until I finally got on Lake Shore just south of the reported accident site at North Avenue. At 9:05, which is 5 minutes after my class actually started. But whatever. I was already going to be late, no sense in freaking out about it now.

So I'm zipping right along, maybe doing about 50 miles per hour (speed limit is 45, which no one ever follows. It's like an interstate, people), singing along to my "Women of Rock" CD. I was on the bridge going over the Chicago River (just past the Grand Ave exit), in the 2nd-from-left lane. As in, the one next to the far-left lane. Anyway, coming up over the bridge, I decide to change lanes. As I was pulling to the left, I saw a faded orange cone right in my path, between the two lanes. I swerved back to the right, and the back end of my car skidded around to the left. Did I mention that it rained last night, and the road was still wet?

At this point, I was on auto-pilot. I was turning the wheel in whatever way made the most sense to me at the time, but thinking back, I'm pretty sure I was turning in the direction of the skid, like you're supposed to. So where we left off, my front end was facing right (west), then I spun around facing left, then I spun around AGAIN (this is more swervy skidding than spinning in circles) so that I was facing back to the right (west). At this point I saw a green sedan go right in front of me, inches from my front end. I went across 2 more lanes of traffic before I came to a stop about four feet from the Jersey wall separating the traffic from, you know, the complete lack of road and river below.

Then I looked to my right, and saw the two lanes of traffic I was still blocking coming right at me. Everyone was able to stop in time, and the man in the far-right lane just looked incredibly calm. That helped me, for sure.

After two false starts, I was able to get my car running, and pulled over onto the shoulder. I put on the emergency brake and flashers and just sat there for a few. I was shaking, and realized immediately how very, very lucky I was. I crossed myself and thanked whoever out there was looking out for me. Seriously, it is a miracle that I avoided all of the traffic that was around me.

After a minute, I put on my left turn signal, let off the emergency brake, and eased back out into traffic. After all, I had a class to attend. For which I was still 25 minutes late.

Vindicated

2005-10-19T23:49:00.000-05:00

Why, oh why, do I feel so good about myself when I outsmart my cat? Here is what happens:

I start walking toward the bed;
Gabby, the feline in question, runs ahead of me into the bedroom and under the bed;
I sit on the bed and dangle my feet off the edge while setting the alarm;
Gabby gleefully attacks my feet from her vantage point under the bed;
Repeat nightly.

So what I did last night was stand by the bed and jump into bed, high-jump style, landing on my side. This eliminates step 3, and thusly step 4 (see above). My thought was, honest to g-d, ha HA! Take THAT, Gabby! It was then that I realized I must be crazy.

Then this morning, Gabby was doing her usual: "Hi. Hi. Hi. Are you up? I'll stick my nose in your eye to find out. What's that on your forehead? Let me taste it. Oh, just forehead. Hi. Are you up? Here, let me get up on your shoulder and talk into your good ear. HI! HI! Are you AWAKE?? Don't mind me, I'll just touch your face. Purrrrrrr. Hi. Are you up?" Every morning, people. Every. Ever-loving. Morning. I am trying to sleep, Gabby. No, I am NOT UP.

But THIS morning! I had the genius idea to open the blinds a leetle bit so she could sit on the window sill and look at the birds/squirrels/grass/invisible torturers. That way, gets to be near me, in the bedroom, but is entertained by something other than licking my face.

The score, for those keeping track at home:

Becca: 2
Gabby: 100,984,213.5

I am inordinately proud of those two points, dammit. I'll get you, Gabby. I'll get you...

For SJM

2005-07-04T00:13:00.000-05:00

Heard on the radio today, driving down the road in Oklahoma:

I'm gonna be here for you from now on

This you know somehow

You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now

...

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you

And I'll win your trust makin' memories of us

--Keith Urban, Makin' Memories of Us.

Made me think of you. Some more. The rest of the song made references to being a man, which I'm not, so I posted only the most pertinent parts.

Love, RCA

Hazy, or Teef 2: Electric Toofaloo

2005-06-17T19:53:00.000-05:00

I write this in a Vicodin haze. (Which is probably why I think that title is way more hilarious than it actually is.) It's not as hazy as I remember from when I had my tonsils out, but I think that's because a) that time, I was in a LOT more pain initially, and b) I may have had Percocet with the tonsillectomy. Anyway.

I didn't sleep well last night, partly because my allergies were really acting up, partly because I was having some weird dreams, and partly from anxiety about the surgery. So I spent my morning at work all bleary-eyed, and even Diet Coke didn't help, and then I came home, ate some crackers, and took a 20-minute power nap with the Gabster. I dawdled as long as I could, but then I had to leave. Dun dun DUN!!

When I got to the office, I had to wait for 30 minutes before they even took me in! What is the point of making a 2:00 appointment if I'm not going to see anyone until 2:30? Seriously. The nurse was the same one I talked to on Tuesday about the Valium situation, and she was very understanding and kind. I sat around, signed the consent form, and sat around some more. Then the doc came in, sat down, and got right to work numbing me up with some numbing gel and Novocaine. People, I started crying during the Novocaine! I think it's because I was lacking sleep and just so tense (unnecessarily, it turns out) about the whole thing. The doctor was really skeptical about me needing the Valium, but finally relented. The nurse gave me a magical mint-green pill and we needed to wait for 15 minutes, so I sat.

I'm telling you, Valium is wonderful. Hey, maybe part of my haze is still a Valium haze! Neat. Anyway, within 10 minutes, I stopped feeling hysterical, and started feeling all floaty and verrrrryyyyy relaxed. Yay. They took another x-ray to make sure we all knew where the tooth was, then moved me to another room and the doctor came in.

Man, I don't know what I was so worked up about. Once the extraction actually got started, it only took ONE MINUTE! One minute! Wow. But still, I imagine that without the Valium, I would have been hysterical and crying and so on, so it is good that I insisted on it. Oh, and they asked if I wanted to keep my tooth (it's just a little guy!), and at first I resisted, but then said what the hell, so they wrapped it up. I'm a weirdo.

But then, the doc was all, "take ibuprofen, you'll be fine." What?! I was promised fun narcotics! So I asked if he was SURE ibuprofen would be ok, and he (and the nurse, and the receptionists) assured me it would be. At this point I was willing to let it go, and told the receptionist that I would just page him and ask that he call in a prescription if I needed it (I have a way low tolerance for pain), and she told me that she'd just force the prescription now. Yay!

Lindsay was there by that point, as she was my designated handler to get me to the pharmacy and then home, so we went to the pharmacy down the hall, and behold! Doc had prescribed me MORE than enough Vicodin to make it through the weekend (which is all I'll need, as I HAVE to go to work on Monday), PLUS a refill! YAY!

I got home and changed my gross gauze and took a sweet, white pill, ate a pudding cup, and fell into bed. Ah, bed, my first true love. Chrissy text-messaged me asking if I needed anything, and upon my reply, brought me instant mashed potatoes and sour cream. I'm also going to try melting some of that tasty triple-creme Brie into them, to see how that goes. And Scott is on his way over with yogurt.

I'm relieved that I really had nothing to worry about. Even though my dentist may be a little...businesslike...he has a good heart. He was concerned when I was crying, and really wanted to make sure I was ok. I will continue to see him. I feel like we bonded over my anxiety. Aw.

Back to bed! Word, y'all.

Star Power

2005-06-15T10:30:00.000-05:00

The Gabster, my jerkface kitty extraordinaire, might be in a pilot next week! They need a small cat, and I'm working on getting her in. Does that make me her agent? Great. My cat has an agent before I do!

What am I talking about? I don't want an agent. I don't think.

Maybe I should take kitty headshots. If only she would sit still and be good.

Teef.

2005-06-09T16:22:00.000-05:00

I just came back from the most distressing dental visit ever. To wit:

-digital x-ray probe was too big for my mouth. owie.
-big scary ultrasonic cleaning. basically the speediest, scariest-sounding water pik you've ever seen. I was so surprised by it that I had to laugh to keep from crying.
-i have an impacted wisdom tooth on the upper left. i thought i had zero wisdom teeth. i have to have it extracted. next friday. only local anesthesia, no pre-emptive valium.
-i grind my teeth, and my jaw is all crookedy, so i need a nightguard. for $450. none covered by insurance.
-i was clearly so traumatized that i can't even capitalize this part.

Awesome.

Now I understand why people don't like going to the dentist.

Sad face.

20 Questions with Darth Vader

2005-05-31T08:42:00.000-05:00

http://sithsense.com/flash.htm

I'b Sick.

2005-05-19T23:25:00.000-05:00

It's true. I habe a code or subthig. Yesterday? I stayed hobe frub work with a fever ad I was dizzy as a bofo. Ow. By head still hurts.
----
I feel better today, but I'm still not 100%. I went to work in the afternoon, and immediately felt worse. Take that as you will.

Fortunately for me, Scott had the day off yesterday, and so was available for sick kid help. Until he abandoned me to do laundry, that is! Dammit, Scott! He did buy me soup, though...and then took it to his house! Fat lot of good that does me, jag. The next time I see you, I will kick you in the kneecaps. RAWR.

(Call me!)
----
Other than that, I am improvising up a storm. I have shows to promote!

Lick Your Wounds plays every Friday night at 11 at the Cornservatory (4210 N. Lincoln). It's a modified Living Room form, and it's really a lot of fun. Audiences thus far have loved it! Including me -- I wasn't in the show last weekend, but I went to watch and nearly cried from laughing so hard. Sometimes I was the only one laughing, which is a little embarrassing, and also a testament to how easily entertained I am. But still! Funny show. Come see me. Bring $8, or they won't let you in.

Speed Lemon is my Incubator team. I'm telling you, I love my team to death. They're all such excellent people, and so smart and talented! And they give good hugs, too. Anyway, our shows! We have 4 shows on The Playground schedule:

May 24
June 7
July 7
July 19

All shows are at 8 p.m. at The Playground (Halsted, just north of Belmont). Tuesday night shows cost $5; Thursday shows are $10. You'll see us and 2 or 3 other groups for one low price! Totally worth it, I promise you.
----
I might audition for The Playground's new all-female improv team, but then again, my calendar/brain might explode if I do that. Stay tuned.

That's it! Comment, please. Especially if you're a parent! I love you guys!

Letters.

2005-05-10T12:26:00.000-05:00

Dear University of Oklahoma,

Stop sending me letters telling me I have not been accepted to your fine institution. I know that. Every time I get a letter, I worry that it will say something other than "thanks, but no thanks," and then I will have to move to Oklahoma.

I get it, and I am completely, 100% fine with it. Now stop sending me mail.

Sincerely,
Rebecca Anderson

----

Dear IIT,

I'm really excited to get to know you in the fall. I think this is going to be a good thing for both of us.

Love,
[the future] Dr. Becca

----

Dear Strawberry Gatorade,

Man, you are a pretty pink color. Hey! You kind of match my blog! And also my shoes. However, you taste a little like un-gelled strawberry Jell-O, and I'm not sure we're getting along that well. I have one more bottle of you in my fridge, so I'll give you a chance, but I don't think this is going to work out between us.

Your friend Orange is really nice, though.

Thanks anyway,
Becca

----

Dear Universe,

What happened to my black Steve Madden sandals? I haven't seen them in weeks; this development distresses me. I feel like I've looked everywhere. Is my apartment hiding them from me as punishment for not cleaning often enough? Because if so, I promise I'll do better. Just bring back my shoes! They're my favorites.

Cosmically hoping,
Becca

----

Dear GMail,

I love you. You make the forty bazillion email messages I have gotten in the past week look so pretty and organized! Getting that much email is now exciting, not overwhelming! Just so you know, I've been spreading the news to everyone I know, trying to invite them to hang out with you. But no one can love you as much as I do. No one.

Adoringly,
Becca

----

Dear Flava Flav,

You are awesome. Your life is like a train wreck, but I love to watch your shows on VH-1. It's really neat that you ran into my friends Mike and Stacy in Seattle. Hey, wanna hang out while you're in Chicago? I promise it'll be fun. Come on!

Word up,
Bec-z

----

Dear Hair,

I know there's no way I can make you grow faster, but please take it into consideration. The bangs are all in my face, and frankly, you're making me a little crazy. I know I mistreated you for a lot of years, but I thought we agreed to move into this new curly part of our life together, and leave all that crap behind. I think I treat you pretty well now, baby, and I wish you would cooperate. Please.

Frustrated,
Becca

----

Dear Airlines,

Why so expensive? I just want to go see the fam for the 4th of July and not have my stepmom pay $40,000 to do so. Is that so hard?

Broke,
Becca

----

Dear Gas Prices,

OUCH! QUIT IT!

Hurty wallet,
Becca

----

Dear Improv,

I like you a lot, even though you make my Saturdays way busy. No offense, but I will be glad after next weekend when I get to sleep in on Saturday mornings. Sometimes you need a break from the things you love. I'm sure you want a break from me sometimes, too.

Hilarious,
Becca

----

Dear Universe,

Sorry to bother you again. Just wanted to thank you for the all the goodness lately. I really appreciate it.

Love,
Becca

P.S. WHERE ARE MY SHOES??

Redneck? Hell Yes!

2005-05-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

It is that time again. Spring is in the air, it's nice and warm, birds chirping, flowers blooming...that's right, folks, it's the time when a young woman's fancy turns to...demolition derbies.

It's true, the demolition derby season is upon us once again. My love for the demolition derby started like this...

August 27, 2004, was a Bad Day. Things had been going poorly at work. I was all boo-hoo about my love life (or lack thereof). I had just entered my mid-20s and was freaking out, as is my wont. My good friend Amber was also having a crap week, and so we decided we would take a Mental Health Afternoon. But the dilemma remained: what to do with our gorgeous summer afternoon? We considered Great America, or any number of small local waterparks, but all closed early enough so that the long drive wouldn't be worth it.

As I was driving toward Amber's house, genius struck: a county fair! Yes. Metromix told us that the Will County Fair was in full swing, and that Will County is only about an hour outside Chicago. And furthermore, there was a demolition derby that very night! We put on our skirts and cowboy hats, and drove south.

The fair was great and full of greasy food, as county fairs are, but the real highlight was, of course, the derby. We had to get pit tickets because the grandstands were full (initially we were aggravated about the extra cost, but it turned out to be worth it). It had been rainy that week, so the track and infield were muddy and gross and awesome. Flip-flops were a poor shoe choice. But anway, we settled into our front-row bleacher seats, and the action began.

People, it was like watching a car wreck. Yes, I know it was ACTUALLY watching cars wreck, but at first it was horrifying, like we shouldn't be watching the crunching metal, and everything was too loud and a little too close for comfort. The big railroad ties intended to keep the cars out of the stands didn't seem like they would be effective at all. But after awhile, our apprehension faded, and was replaced by aggression and cheering and laughter, and it was awesome. No lie.

Amber and I are now demo derby converts. Google tells me that there are three team demo derbies at the Chicagoland Speedway in Joliet. Thank god. I don't think I can make it the whole summer without watching some cars smash into each other.

And on August 26, you'll find me in Peotone, Illinois, in the infield of the dirt track, yelling my heart out for the gold-and-red Cadillac or the "Free Mustache Rides" mobile (which was built and driven by dudes without mustaches, incidentally).

Eventful! (+ Edit)

2005-05-02T16:27:00.000-05:00

Hey, my pants almost match this blog! Awesome. Thank you, Old Navy, Retailer of Hot Pink Pants.

This weekend was packed! Lots of things going on, lots of fun to be had.

On Saturday, my improv funk ended, thanks to a great class, a really great rehearsal, and a freaking fantastic show. Notable:

1. Lindsay created a tiny racetrack for racing animals, and it delighted me even before the scene started.

2. I rocked the character exercise we did in Incubator rehearsal, mostly finding characters via physical movement. A big thank you goes out to my friend Joy, whose voice I heard in my head before I started the exercise. "Bold physicalities," her voice said. And it totally worked.

2a. Our team now has a name: Speed Lemon. My friend and coworker Derek (who took/Photoshopped my headshot) is going to work on designing us a logo. It will be awesome.

3. Putting Lick Your Wounds in front of an audience does wonders for us. We performed at Improv Till Dawn, as part of the Chicago Improv Festival, and it was really fantastic.

3b. Our rehearsal on Sunday, though, was...not so fantastic. I think we're all getting lazy because we're ready for the show to just OPEN already.

That's that, just about. I'm starving now, and will go rustle up some grub. And maybe a tumbleweed.
****
Post-lunch edit. Turkey sandwich was ok, but my cheese was moldy, so I had to do without. Sad. Turkey without Muenster = sad. For me at least.

I almost forgot one of the more hilarious bits of the weekend. Scott has pioneered an excellent new metaphor for being unprepared/slightly screwed/befuddled: "on top of the sheets." I'm trying to think of really good examples to illustrate the awesomeness, but I'm coming up blank. At any rate, just note: when "on top of the sheets" makes it into the general lexicon, you heard it here first.

Bits (+ Edit)

2005-04-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

So! Long time, no blog. Some things:

1. The iced tea maker is awesome. I had some tea with my Apple Jacks this morning, and it was tasty, if an odd pairing.

2. It appears that the Kicktators aren't quite as sad as we used to be. We won our game last week (though lost again this week), and! My own personal skills have improved -- in the past two games, I have tagged out three runners and scored one run! And just think, it's only taken 5 seasons. Lovely.

3. It appears that I am staying in Chicago for at least the next five years. I have been accepted into the Ph.D. program in Industrial/Organizational Psychology at IIT. Now I just have to figure out how to pay for it. Any rich benefactors out there? Hellooooo? Anyone? Don't be shy.

3a. In an effort to modify my budget for impending poverty, I have started eating the bulk of my meals at home, and doing my own laundry. As opposed to eating out/sending laundry out. Sadness, but that's the way it is. It's not you; it's me.

3b. In an effort to focus on school for my first year, I will be quitting my job. August 12 is my tentative last day. It's bittersweet, as I have a lot of friends here, and I will have been here for almost three years by then. Meh.

4. I am improvising up a storm lately. All I do on Saturdays is improvise; by the time Sunday rolls around, all I want to do is lie down.

4a. If you are in the Chicagoland area, you can see some of said improvisation starting May 6, 11 p.m., at the Cornservatory. 4210 N. Lincoln Avenue. It's Lick Your Wounds, a theater-therapy show involving some improv and sketch and songs (songs courtesy of my friend Chris Churchill). Come see it.

5. Lindsay and I are writing our show again. Baby steps, and we're just beginning discussions, but so far a) we agree on almost everything, b) we're really excited, and c) we don't hate each other yet! Good times.

6. New blog: hotsandwich.blogspot.com. McNulty is improv and funnyman extraordinaire, and an all-around nice guy. It's true. Fun times, that dude.

7. My college was rated #2 on a list of the top 10 most beautiful campuses! Awesome. I'm so proud of my little SMCM. Aw.

Life? Complete.

2005-04-15T20:07:00.000-05:00

My stepmom grew up in Florida. Therefore, she is a sweet tea drinker. There is always sweet tea in her refrigerator. She uses the Mr. Coffee Iced Tea Maker to make it, and let me tell you: genius. Takes WAY less time than sun tea, and is tasty tasty.

Now. Chicago is not exactly what I'd call "the south." You can't get sweet tea in restaurants here (except Dixie Kitchen in Evanston), which saddens me. In order to satisfy my sweet tea cravings, I began looking for an Iced Tea Maker of my very own. For many, many moons I have looked. Wal-Mart? Nope. Target? Nope. ACE Hardware (they sell small electrics)? Nope. Amazon? Well, yes. But note that it costs nearly $40, so...nope. I don't need iced tea that badly.

At this point, my life is sad.

After work tonight I went to Target to get cat food and a couple other things. I was browsing the aisles, doing a good job of not buying things I don't need, when I happened upon. . .that's right, folks, the iced tea maker! And! It was only $20. AND! It comes with an extra pitcher! If I felt so inclined, I could have sweet tea and unsweetened tea in the fridge at the same time! I will not be so inclined, I'm sure.

So there you have it. My life is complete.

Sproing.

2005-04-04T14:43:00.000-05:00

It is FINALLY starting to get nice and spring-y here. It's in the mid-60s today, and is supposed to be warmer tomorrow. I am actually considering wearing a skirt tomorrow. A skirt, people!

My mom just left this morning, after an action-packed, fun-filled visit. Thanks, mom. See you soon.

I would also like to take this opportunity to sing the praises of Treasure Island, the grocery store. Those of you in the Chicagoland area should definitely acquaint yourself with this (small) chain. It's the perfect mix of Trader Joe's/Whole Foods fancy stuff, and Jewel/Dominick's regular stuff. You can get fancy brie, cheez-its, and diet coke all in the same place! AND they have snack time pretty much every day, with samples of cheese, dips, artichoke hearts, etc. Go there now.

Pow.

2005-03-29T19:49:00.000-06:00

Let's update in the form of bullet points, shall we?

On Sunday night I went to Cozy's Noodles with Lindsay, and decided to be brave by ordering the crispy Pad See Ew. I was imagining the same old noodles, but a little crispier around the edges. Instead, the "crispy noodles" were Really Crispy. As in, Frito crispy, but thicker so they were all hurty when I tried to chew them. Ow.
My mom is coming to visit starting tomorrow night. Yay! On Thursday night we're going out and meeting some of my friends. Hey, if you live in Chicago and you want to hang out and meet my mom, you should email me. It'll be awesome.
Gabby has a collar now, and the most hilarious thing ever is watching her trying to get a look at the bell and tags, while she's wearing the collar. It's like all she knows is there's some jingling on her neck, and she has to see it RIGHT NOW. Imagine jumping around trying to look at your chin. Looks like that.
Gabs also just licked my beer bottle, and I'm still drinking it. Gross, yes. But it was a full beer!
Tonight I got takeout from Cozy's, and ordered the regular Pad See Ew. Much better. And Gabby fell headfirst into the empty bag when she tried to investigate. Ha!

That's about all I got. 2-hour Amazing Race starts in 3 minutes, so I gotta run. Priorities, people!

Look!

2005-03-23T11:13:00.000-06:00

I'm on the interweb. Hi!

Well, I guess I was already on the interweb. But whatever! I'm official.

How About That.

2005-03-20T22:24:00.000-06:00

I had my first Annoyance 3 class on Saturday morning, and other than the fact that it was Saturday morning, it was really good. So far I really like Susan Messing's style. I think I'll learn a lot from this class, and from her specifically. One thing she said really struck me, and that is that she isn't going to deal with us being "in our heads," or using that as an excuse for shitty scenes. Which is not to say that she expects every scene to be amazing (and maybe she does), but that we need to suck it up and just do it. Just improvise. Go.

My Incubator audition was yesterday after class, and I felt completely neutral about it. Out of 30 people, I thought there were 6 or 7 really excellent prospects there, a couple of truly dismal folks, and a gaggle of unremarkable peeps. I classify myself in the latter category.

At the end of the audition, they said we would know by Monday night if we were in. This afternoon as I was making chili and cleaning up my house, I got a call from Jon Forsythe of the Playground, telling me that I MADE THE TEAM! He's our coach. We're meeting on Thursday to discuss rehearsing, a name, and so forth.

I'm shocked by this development, and I'm not saying that out of some kind of false modesty. I really thought my audition was just ok. Not a disaster, but not spectacular. But...there you have it, I guess. Hm.

Fo' Shizzle

2005-03-15T16:30:00.000-06:00

Have you seen this? www.gizoogle.com. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Now, click here to see the gizoogle-ized version of this site.

Hee!

Big Time

2005-03-14T16:52:00.000-06:00

I'm auditioning for The Playground's Incubator program on Saturday at 3. I hope that coming straight from Annoyance will help me to be relaxed and confident and generally awesome. We shall see...

Moving Right Along

2005-03-10T16:22:00.000-06:00

Amber went to NC State, and really loves the Wolfpack. She also secretly loves me, but is having a hard time showing it today:
----
dear maryland,

sorry you're out of the acc tourney in the very first round.

love,
the wolfpack
----
dear wolfpack,

bite my ass.

love,
maryland
----
dear maryland,

clemson already did. clemson, mind you.

love,
the wolfpack
----
dear wolfpack,

why you gotta be such a bitch all the time? i mean, really.

love,
maryland
----

In other news, kickball starts the first week in April. Wanna play? Drop me a line or go pick a division and get on it! It's a lot of fun. I promise.

Less Fun

2005-03-10T14:51:00.000-06:00

It's snowing here, people. Snowing! For the record, I should say that for as much bitching as I do? I actually don't mind the winter that much. Some Chicagoans say that the bitter winter is the price you pay to live here in summer, and I tend to agree. I actually made it through this, my third winter in Chicago, without becoming majorly depressed. That's something, let me tell you.

However, I am about to get majorly depressed if spring doesn't get here with a quickness. It's always around this time of year that I get antsy in anticipation of warm weather, and the fact that it was 65 degrees on Sunday doesn't help. Nor does the fact that I have a bunch of new spring clothes and shoes at home, just waiting to be work. Grrr. I have cute winter clothes, too, but I'm tired of wearing them! Tired!

Oh, look. Weather.com tells me that it will be crappy and cold for at least the next 10 days. My dad thinks it's cute to tell me it's "only" getting up to 65, or 68, or 70, in Oklahoma. Real cute, dad. Real cute.

In other news, I have rehearsal tonight, which should be fun. Especially if I remember to stop and buy beer.

Something Fun

2005-03-09T11:23:00.000-06:00

My friend Tammy is doing a bunny exchange via her blog. She is also a super talented artist (she drew my toaster art, for those of you who have seen it), and an all-around cool chick. So if you want to exchange a bunny with a total stranger, hop on over.

That's What I Get

2005-03-08T11:05:00.000-06:00

...For being supremely lazy on Sunday. I laid around, playing with the cat and debating doing laundry, until I left for the theatre at about 4. I put on my coat over my Cubs t-shirt, and...then I discovered that I didn't need a coat AT ALL. It was 60 degrees out! I commenced kicking myself immediately, you'll be glad to know.

The show went well. My big monologue was "My Angry Vagina," and I felt better about Sunday's performance than I ever did in rehearsal. Having an awesome crowd did wonders. There were these middle-aged women sitting to the left of the stage, and they just LOVED the entire show! They were so tickled, and it was really nice to hear first-timers enjoying the show so much.

It was also nice having so many friends and colleagues there supporting me. Seriously, folks, I have rarely felt so loved. It was awesome. Thanks to everyone who made it out.

Gabby's Day Out

2005-03-04T14:35:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, after working until 8 p.m. (!! I know!) I had rehearsal for this new show until about 9:30. I was driving Lindsay to the el when we decided we needed coffee or ice cream, and a big helping of girl talk. First I needed to drop some stuff off in my house.

When I opened the door, Gabby (uncharacteristically) didn't meet me. Hm. Maybe she's napping on the couch? No. The bed? No. Snacking in the kitchen? No. Visiting the litter box? No. Hanging out in the bathtub? No. In the closet? No. In the laundry pile? No. In the loft? No. Hm.

At this point, I started to worry, thinking that she'd gotten into something and I would soon discover her dead. Lindsay and I ripped the place apart, and still no Gabby. Panic set in, and as I was on the phone with Chrissy, my kitty mom role model, I heard meowing. A minute later, I opened the front door, and sure enough! There was Gabs, in the hallway.

Turns out that yesterday morning, when I thought Gabby might've escaped when I opened the door? She really did. She was in the hallway all day! It's boring and kind of cold out there!

I am a bad kitty mom. Don't give me any actual kids, ok? I would probably just let them escape.

Ongoing

2005-03-01T16:20:00.000-06:00

It seems that super quality time with the cat is the key to her not waking up wanting to hang out at 3:45 a.m. Hm. This is a challenge for at least another week, as I have crazy rehearsals for Vagina Monologues and other stuff. Hm. Overall, though, the kitty and I are adjusting to one another nicely, I think.

While I'm at it, I'll announce:
The Vagina Monologues
March 6 @ 7 p.m.
Theatre Building Chicago (1225 W. Belmont)
$20. Benefits Chicago Abused Women Coalition and Apna Ghar.

We've got a fun and talented group (plus me!), and it should be a good time. Moreover, it's for a good cause! Come on out, people. DO IT NOW.

Le weekend.

2005-02-28T10:21:00.000-06:00

C'est bon!

And that, my friends, is about the extent of my French. Sad life.

The weekend was good. Lindsay and I skipped writing on Friday, as is our wont, and I had dinner with a friend and then went to part of a show at Improv Olympic. Ran into F. Tyler there, who walked me home -- he is seriously the most gentlemanly person, walking on the outside of the sidewalk and everything -- and then I vegged a little and went to sleeeeep.

Discovery: though the cat likes to wake up and head-butt me at 4, and 7, she is A-OK with sleeping late. We slept until 1:30, which was much, much needed. She is also learning to sleep on top of the covers, and there is much less walking on my head pre-sleep. And it turns out that if you wish to use a spray bottle for training a kitty? You should put the sprayer on "stream," as opposed to "spray." Works much better, and shoots farther! Woo!

Lindsay and I "wrote" on Saturday night, which means we really "chatted and sang along with the Eagles and danced and went for coffee and lamented our love lives and then went to see a show at The Playground which effectively ended our writing meeting." We are not making a whole whole lot of progress, but we are solidifying ideas, and we came up with a new sketch for the show. Meh.

On Sunday, Gabby and I slept late again (thank you, kitty!) and I lounged until it was time to go to Chrissy's for the Oscars. Overall, I was underwhelmed. I was aggravated by the "presenting in the aisles," and "all nominees for the 'lesser' categories onstage at once," business. It didn't make the show appreciably shorter, and I kind of feel like everyone should have their own moment in the sun, you know? Boo.

This morning I went to my boss's son's bris (circumcision), and it was an interesting experience. Much less formal than I thought, and then my boss gave a speech explaining the English and Hebrew names, and I got all weepy. Overall, though, good way to start a Monday.

Free Show

2005-02-25T14:06:00.000-06:00

Last night we started the kickball proceedings. Yes, already! The season starts the first week of April. For those of you following along at home, that's about a month! Ack. This year we're sticking with WAKA's calendar, which should allow us to have a more relaxed, less helter-skelter season. It was the best board meeting we've ever had, and I'm getting really excited.

After the meeting, I met up with Lindsay and our friend F. Tyler and we drank a beer or two, danced, and marveled at the really talented karaoke-ers at Friar Tuck.

Then I watched The Exorcist for the first time ever. YES, I am aware that it has been out all my life. YES, I am aware that I am behind the times. Shut it. Anyway. Scary, but the ending was kind of anticlimactic.

This morning I was at work for about an hour when I went to the kitchen for a soda? And realized that my fly was down. Fun times, people. Fun times.

Another Rousing Rendition

2005-02-24T09:31:00.000-06:00

Last night at about 11:20, Lindsay called to tell me that she straightened out her schedule re: our next improv class. We'll be together again, as usual, which means the separation panic we worked ourselves into this week was all for naught. As usual.

Anyway, Lindsay and I talked for about 20 minutes, after which I citrused myself up and got in bed. Whereupon the cat promptly fell off said bed when she tried to walk onto the side table and missed. Hee! Anyway, she unplugged the alarm clock. Sigh. I looked at my watch and reset the clock. To 12:45 a.m. Reset the alarm, and off I went to the land of nod.

I'll pause while you review what I wrote and do the math. Done? Ok, then, moving on.

This morning I needed to be out of bed in time to get to work by 8:30. Morning Logic prevailed and I decided I didn't actually have to be at work until 9...and that I didn't actually need to shower. What? My hair is presentable. Don't judge me. So I got out of bed, putzed around, got ready, and when I sat down on the couch to put on my shoes? I saw that the VCR clock said 7:08. So did the microwave clock. So did the wall clock. Huh. How about that?

That's right, people, I unwittingly set my alarm clock an entire hour ahead. Which, by extension, means that I cannot read an analog watch. Nice.

And that concludes another exciting round of a game I like to call, "Who's the Asshole Now?"

*cue game show music*

Here Kitty Kitty?

2005-02-18T15:24:00.001-06:00

So I've been considering getting a cat. Reasons:

1. So cute! So tiny! So fuzzy!
2. I just want one, dammit!

Ok, that's about it. Actually, I just realized today, that I'm a little lonely at home. I live alone, which is awesome, but sometimes it's a little lonely. "So why don't you go out with friends," you ask? Well, because a) friends are not always available, b) going out can be expensive, and c) sometimes I just like to veg on the couch.

Who am I kidding? I almost always like to veg on the couch. But that's beside the point.

Back to the cat. Drawbacks? It's a long commitment, having a cat. It's actual responsibility for another living being. I was telling Lindsay the other day that, if I'm broke, I can feed myself ramen; I cannot, however, just...not feed the cat. Or feed the cat ramen. So it's a regular financial expense, too. Also, I'm not sure I can fit a litter box in the bathroom.

I found a kitty online, at a shelter in Lombard. She's a gray tabby cat, 7 months old, and her name is Lois Lane. She's from a Superman-themed litter. She's about the cutest. I'm going to see if I can schedule some time to go check her out. Who knows--maybe I'll come home with a pet.

Sick Day

2005-02-01T15:55:00.000-06:00

Staying home sick is not as much fun when you're a) actually sick, or b) a grownup. Let's review:

1. I had to take my own temperature.
2. I had to call my boss myself.
3. I had to go out and get my laundry myself.
4. I had to go to the grocery store myself.
5. I cannot just lie around and wait for someone to bring me juice.
6. I am hacking up a lung, so it's not like I'm having a party over here.
7. I have to use my personal time off to stay home! That means less vacation for later in the year. Boo.
8. I am incapable of making an actual funny list.
9. I am getting germs on my computer.

That's all I got. Folks in the Chicagoland area, note that Jewel has everything on sale. EVERYTHING.

CoughHackWheeze

2005-01-31T19:39:00.000-06:00

Who knew that one could get "post-viral bronchiospasms" after a cold? I, for one, did not, and convinced myself that I had either pneumonia or bronchitis. And possibly, that I was dying. However, I just have temporary asthma after the cold I just got over. It sucks, let me tell you.

In other news, I now also have a computer at my house! And! Wireless internet, courtesy of a nearby neighbor. Thanks, neighbor!

Testing!

2005-01-31T11:17:00.000-06:00

Here, I test. How's it look? Note: I have a love affair with pink.